AMG

In the past few years I’ve come to realize that pizza is more and more expensive every fortnight or so. Pizza is literally: bread, sauce, cheese.

But then I read this article* about exactly WHY pizza is so expensive:

1. Turns out marinara sauce can only be found in the depths of an active volcano in Hawaii that has one direct trail to it paved with arrowheads and broken glass, which understandably inflates the price. Who knew?

2. I was surprised by this one: Cheese can only be produced with unicorn milk during a full moon. The entire process takes three moon cycles and very few are certified to do this.

3. And bread dough is a rare commodity, available exclusively in New Zealand and the Bermuda Triangle, we all know this.

*this article does not exist.

- I just read a Facebook status that says “Does anyone know anyone who works in Russia’s nuclear industry? Please let me know. Thanks!” And now all I can think is “If you see something, say something…”

- What I learned in college: Rice pilaf is delicious. The word “hierarchy” can be used in any valid argument about anything. That cardigan rules. That cardigan sucks. That guy sells weed. That guy sells better weed.

- I hope that when male rappers finish their bromance songs about how they “hold it down for their boys who have had their back since way back in the day when we were on the block chillin in the cut just trying to make it and whatnot and so on and so forth” they send all their boys a text that says “I wrote a song about you <3 <3 <3.”