AMG

I find the implications tied to the pinky finger much more offensive than the middle finger, dont you? Nobody says stinky middle finger.

My Big Fat Hot Wet Greek American Summer Wedding coming out next fall.

Still drunk from last night. HAPPY/NAUSEOUS?

When people complain about Obama I remind them that the other option was someones great grandpa and a soccer mom with shit for brains.

There was a time in our lives when Whoopi Goldberg, Bruce Valance and Gilbert Gottfried were on Hollywood Squares. Never forget.

If you’re following me, you might want to stand a little to the left or right or avoid being downwind entirely: I just farted.

Holy smokes, if you’re gonna steal a tweet don’t do it word for word. At least fuck with some alternative syntax options, bitches.

There’s an open bar and a Motown cover band at this work function. I may embarrass the company tonight.

RT @RonnieWK: Girls don’t “shit”, we radiate pink velveteen sphincter stars as the moon weeps honey tears into a glittery pool of 80’s p …

I’m watching The Wire because I’m intelligent and I love drugs as a topic. And thug ass queer folks. Love them too.

… Well, then the only possible answer is this: the taxi driver farted right before we got into the cab.

I always put the DVD back in the box. Am I old?

Hey Nutella, make love to me. Celery, get off my property before I call the fucking cops.

I call water “bounce-back juice”.

I dont talk to my plants, thats weird. But I dont deny them the benefit of the carbon dioxide I produce, so I breathe on them creepily.

RT @DrBoozenit: “is he tasting the moon light? I don’t fucking get it”

Just mutter “crotch burger” under your breath a couple times if you want him to leave you alone.

Mixers are just empty calories.

Your friendly “Speak English” sign isn’t reaching your intended other-tongued target audience because its in English, smarty pants.

Save your morning poop for work so you get paid for that shit!