1. What is Liz’s gross foot secret?
2. Does Jack’s secret bathroom have a bidet?
3. HOW OLD IS KENNETH?
4. How does Jenna do that thing where she just appears when people are talking about her?
5. Could Pete beat Legolas in an archery competition?
6. Do you think they got tired of Brian Williams hanging around uninvited?
7. When Salma Hayek was on the set did anything get done?
8. Where can I get a copy of Muffin Top, Werewolf Bar mitzvah, Danny singing Oh Danny Boy (his voice is as smooth as butter), Jenna’s Tennis Night in America song, Jack and Nancy singing that song about Boston, The Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning song (“The thing that happened was so sad. We cant believe it got so bad when the stuff we know occurred went down.” etc), and Tracy singing “I started alreadyyyy”, among many other classics?
9. Did NBC execs find the Khonani episode funny or give you the stink eye?
10. In the Sun Tea episode when Liz says “I couldn’t Jack or Jenna him out of the apartment…” why didn’t she follow up with “I guess I’ll just… have to be… Frank with him…” (conniving music)
11. Where do the teamsters get those sandwiches? I’m prepared to drink for this information.
12. Do you think Condoleeza Rice was the top when she dated Jack?
13. Does Jack drink in the life sized replica of the Irish pub his grandmother was born in that he had installed in his house?
14. Can I have a tour of the wing of Jack’s house that was designed by M.C. Escher?
15. Rachel Dratch waz pretty great every time she showed up. Just wanted to say that.
16. Tracy Jordan mentions that he holds the Guiness Book World Record for the most car accidents in one year. I would like an exact number.
I was sitting here knitting scarves for kittens and thinking about which nonprofits to donate to this week when an evil mastermind villain madman came in through the window. I tried to stop him, bravely exclaiming “I don’t know what you want, but take your ill-intentioned behavior elsewhere. And don’t even think about touching my friend’s sandwich, it is very important to them.” And the guy was all “I totally fucked up the local bridge with a bomb or something and a train full of orphans is heading that way any moment now and only you can stop it before they plummet to their doom.” I didn’t have time to think, I had to act quickly. Ok, I ate your sandwich.